Two Feet Under
by BlackTheWhite
Summary: Axel plays innocent and makes a grab at Roxas. Enough said. Crackfic. Akuroku. Zemyx if you squint. AU.


**Two Feet Under**

**Authors Note:**

…Yet another fic created due to a conversation with a friend.

She needs to stop feeding my muse.

=/

Charas all belong to Squeenix.

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"Axel, we've come to a unanimous vote that you are good for absolutely nothing other than molesting short blond children."

Chirping in, Larxene flashed the redhead a shark-like grin, "Personally I think he could go as far as to challenge Michael Jackson."

"THANK YOU!" The specific blond child of molestation interrupted.

"Molestation, huh? What's that mean?" Axel interrupted, playing out his innocent cards as he stood beside his blond of fond interest. A hand moved out of his coat pocket, and with the slyness of a fox his fingers groped at Roxas' ass.

A slender brow twitched, and the infamous scowl appeared on Roxas' face. Frowning, he cast the redhead a narrowed glare and followed it with a threat. "You have three seconds to make a run for it..3…2.."

Brilliant emerald eyes widened in fear, and in a second flash Axel had turned heel and made a dash out the back door. Without even paying attention to the fact that Roxas wasn't chasing, he raced around the pool and to the guest house in the corner of the yard. Lifting his fists, he began pounding on the door and screaming, "DEMYX! LET ME IN! HE'S GUNNA CASTRATE ME!"

A smug grin curled onto Roxas' lips as he watched his boyfriend dash outside. Too easy. For now, he decided to flop onto the living room couch and bask in his victory. "If I'm lucky he'll trip and fall in the pool. Solves everything."

Around him the others continued to lean on each other for support as they laughed. Larxene, Marluxia, Zexion and Luxord had come over just minutes before, and had already hell had broken lose. It was almost ritual for them to tease on their fellow friend.

Outside, Demyx had opened up the door and nearly was ran over as the redhead burst inside, shoving the door shut behind him. "Axel?"

"I'm safe!" He gasped out, leaning against the door for a moment as he caught his breath. Dashing from the back door to the guest house was hard work! Axel had never been good in any sort of physical education class. While he was skinny, he definitely wasn't in shape.

"You pissed off Roxas again, didn't you?"

"They set me up!"

"Uh-huh. Hey..is Zexion in there? Did he come over?"

Snorting, Axel pushed himself off the door and grabbed the blond. Walking to living room, he flopped onto the couch and picked up the pair of binoculars sitting on the coffee table. Inspecting them for a moment, he then gave the blond an odd look.

"What?! Those are..they..err.."

"You are suuchh a peeping tom!"

"It's not like that!"

"I swear if I ever find you looking at Roxas through these..I will hang you from the strings of your sitar.."

Sitting down beside Axel, Demyx reached out and pulled back the light blue curtains that hung behind the couch, revealing a large window that overlooked the backyard. Stealing the binoculars from Axel, he lifted the binoculars to his eyes. He peered through them, looking across the backyard and into the living room window of the main house.

"Can you see him?"

"No I don't..wait..was that a flash of blond?!"

Axel leaned close to the window, narrowing his green eyes at the house, "That's really helpful, Demyx. There are a lot of blonds in that house! Three to be exact!" He huffed, shooting a glare at the blond beside him.

"Well it was short?"

"Great. That narrows it to..wait..no. It doesn't narrow it, at all. Thanks, Demyx."

"Well..I don't think they had breasts..?"

"That narrows it to..oh..wait..THREE! Shocking! Give me those."

Scowling, Demyx held the binoculars out of reach from his friend. "I don't think that was nice. I think you should go apologize to Larxene. Girls are very emotional when it comes to their bodies."

There was a scoff, as Axel continued to wiggle his fingers at the binoculars, trying to reach them. "Are you kidding? I swear, she's more flat chested than I am.."

Demyx's arm lowered, making it easy for the redhead to grab hold of the object he wanted. His head had tilted, blue eyes widening as he looked at Axel. Or rather, behind him.

"Hell. I bet Rox has bigger boobs then her."

"Whatever you do..don't turn around.."

Naturally, like anyone told not to turn around, Axel turned around. The redhead made a dash for the door while screaming, "SHIT!"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TURN AROUND!" Demyx shouted after him, rushing out after Roxas to watch the scene unfold.

He got outside the door just in time to see Bond of Flames nail Axel square in the back, and the Nobody went flying straight into the pool that he had been running around. Axel fell in with a splash, but made a bigger commotion as he surfaced and began screaming at the top of his lungs.

Bond of Flames flew straight back into Roxas' hand, before disappearing with a flash of light. The blond bit down on his bottom lip to keep from laughing and turned towards Demyx. "I think he might be drowning. You might want to save him.."

From the main house, Larxene and the group all stood in the doorway, laughing hysterically as the pyro flailed in the pool. Apparently he thought he really was drowning.

"I'll save you!" Demyx announced, taking role of lifeguard upon himself as he rushed towards the edge of the pool closest to where Axel was. As he neared the edge of the pool, he suddenly stopped and put his hands on his hips, grinning down at the redhead.

"SAVE ME! IM DROWNING! WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE GRINNING AT ME?!" Axel screamed, as he continued to flail around in the water, splashing like crazy.

"Axel..you're in two feet of water.."

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**Authors Note:**

Lawl. Craptasticular ending.


End file.
